A few weeks ago, I introduced the PULSE© coaching model that I use to help clients get their lives back in balance. The following is a recap: the first letter in the acronym – “P” for paradigm and “U” for unearth.
This week is “L” for Linger. Doesn’t the word linger sound pleasant?
We linger as we leisurely stroll through a flower garden stopping to smell a beautiful rose. We linger as we kiss the soft head of a newborn baby. We linger to stop and pick up a beautiful seashell on the beach. Ahhhh…..
That’s totally real life, right? Everyday life allows us nothing but the ability to linger all day every day in all the things we enjoy and derive pleasure from.
Perhaps you might more relate with words such as STRESS, BUSYNESS, ANXIETY, FRUSTRATION, OVERWHELMED?
In many situations we have no control over our circumstances. We have no control over traffic. We have no control over how strangers, our coworkers, or families act. The one thing we have control over is how we act in the face of stressors. When we constantly react to everything and everyone around us we cause ourselves more stress and frustration.
As you may have noticed, I love to list the dictionary definition of words. I love to delve into the origin of words especially in this case when I have very specifically chosen the words for this coaching model.
Linger (verb): to remain or stay on in a place longer than is usual or expected, as if from reluctance to leave.
It is often easy to linger in the wrong things. We tend to linger in doubt, fear, or bitterness. As I wrote in my post on paradigm shift, we need to shift our thinking and linger in the present. When you begin to truly focus on living in the present beautiful things begin to happen.
Personal development blogger Steve Pavlina states,
“I was initially concerned that focusing too much on the present moment would make me shortsighted. But my experience has been just the opposite. I’m still able to make plans for the future and work on long-term goals. In the past I would set goals because I believed that achieving those goals would increase my happiness. But now the flow goes in reverse. Today I set goals to increase my expression of the happiness I’m already enjoying.”
This perfectly explains the power of dwelling on and lingering in the present. As I coach clients through the PULSE© coaching model I focus on the concept that when you linger in the present it calms your mind, lowers stress, and allows you to move forward. Living in the present is not about NOT making plans for the future. It is making right choices in the present that lead you into the future in a more empowering way. Lingering in the present is not an easy task. It takes practice. Even as you are reading this article is your mind wandering off into the future about all the things you have to do? Maybe it’s going beyond next week into next month about all the things you need to get done… On and on…
Your brain doesn’t know the difference between perception and reality. In that moment when you are thinking about everything other than what you are doing in the present you are essentially allowing your brain to tell you that you need to do those “future” things NOW. That is a perception. Not a reality. I’m not talking about sitting cross-legged on the floor and spending hours meditating. It is simply a reigning-in of your thoughts to this moment. Take a breath. Relax your shoulders. Do the next right thing.
When you make the choice to start living in the present it is developing a new way of thinking where you stop regretting or obsessing about the past and you stop fretting about the future. You make the decision to focus on NOW. This is a simple concept yet it is very difficult to do. And it’s not something that happens just one magical time in your life and then you’re done! It is a moment-by-moment practice and a journey.
You literally have to tell your brain to STOP. Focus on the present. Focus on the sound of your breath. Focus on what is happening now and embrace it. Linger in THIS moment.
For over a decade Jenny Jacobs has studied the principles of healthy living, life balance, stress management, positive psychology, and self-development. Jenny is a dynamic speaker, coach, and blogger and is passionate about helping people integrate their personal and professional selves.
Driven by the premise that excellence is the result of aligning people, purpose and performance, Center for Executive Excellence facilitates training in leading self, leading teams and leading organizations. To learn more, visit us today at www.executiveexcellence.com or message me directly on LinkedIn if you want to receive our monthly CEE News!